Take the lifeless romance of Twilight, add two of that franchise's side players, then mix it all together with a family channel movie about lacrosse and you've got A Warrior's Heart, a film that makes neither its characters nor that private school wank of a sport engaging. Shot like an overeager parent's filming of a game, A Warrior's Heart tries to teach us about maturity and filial responsibility through a sport so marginally popular that they couldn't even find enough extras to fill bleachers at matches presented as national events. Also, lacrosse's Native American history gets dragged into this, because if there's one thing WASPs love, it's to feel like a part of cultures they marginalize and patronize. I didn't hate this movie as much as my picks for the true bombs of the year, if only because it's clearly something meant for a sappy TV channel that fell into theaters by unhappy chance. Still, that doesn't mean I don't loathe the thing.
My full review is up now at Spectrum Culture.